REALTIONSHIP REBORN PART 6

SELF LOVE

Do You Want Happy Relationships? Love Yourself.

Here’s my big message today: You can only have happy relationships if you have happy self-love.

Your Heart Filled With Either

Self-Love Or Neediness

Imagine your heart to be an empty bottle.

But it’s not really empty. It’s actually filled with air.

In the same way, when a human heart doesn’t have self-love, it isn’t empty. It’s filled with neediness.

The air in the bottle is a symbol of neediness.

But if you pour water in it, it pushes air out of the bottle. The more water it has, the less air it has.

That water is self-love.

I believe the only solution to neediness is self-love.

If you learn to love yourself, you’ll push out neediness from your heart. The more you love yourself, the less neediness you have. The less you love yourself, the more neediness you have.

Would you know neediness if you saw it?

Do You Have Neediness?

Neediness, or a lack of self-love, is expressed in so many ways. Here are a few of them…

· Some, like me, become people-pleasers. They’ll be kind, gentle, and smile at everybody so they’ll be liked. Because their substitute for self-love is to be liked.

· Some achieve a lot, get good grades, and do great things. Because their substitute for self-love is to be admired.

· Some rebel, get angry, disobey, and reject everyone. Because they’re substitute to be loved is to receive attention.

· Some become victims of abuse. (Read my example later.)

As I said, I expressed my neediness in the first way—by becoming a good guy. All these years, people thought I was such a loving person. (I fooled you, didn’t I?)

But in reality, I wasn’t giving love; I was buying love.

I wasn’t giving love; I was giving neediness. Because you can only give what is in your heart.

Boy, was I miserable!

Because I lacked self-love, it was impossible to have a healthy, happy, relationship with others.

Let me tell you an extreme example…

The Need To Be Needed

Angela is married to her college sweetheart Marty.

But Marty is an alcoholic.

A few times a month, he comes home very drunk and beats Angela. He gives her a black eye. Slaps on the face. Bruises on the arm.

When he wakes up, he doesn’t even remember what he did.

Marty kneels down before a battered Angela and asks for forgiveness. He’s totally repentant and sobs like a baby.

But one or two weeks after, he gets drunk again and beats her up again. This insanity has been going on for seven years.

Many friends have told Angela to leave Marty. And she has. But Marty would find her and beg her to return. And out of love, she would return home—only to be beaten again.

But is it really out of love?

No. It’s neediness.

Specifically, the need to be needed.

Like me, Angela’s heart is filled with neediness, begging for love. Because she can’t find love, she mistakes being needed as love. And she finds it in her sick husband.

Angela’s neediness attracted Marty’s neediness. Two needy people needing each other. It was the perfect recipe for an unhappy marriage. (I’ll talk more about this later.)

I talked to Angela.

I told her the harsh truth, “You don’t really love her husband.”

“How could you say that?” she said, “That’s why I’ve stuck with him…”

“If you really loved him, and not needed him, you would have run away from him a long time ago and never went near him until he stopped drinking for at least 6 to 12 months. He doesn’t need gentle love. He needs tough love. Are you willing to give that?”

She closed her eyes and wept.

The Problem Of The Needy Heart

Remember this song by Basil Valdez? “It’s your smile, your face, your lips that I miss; your sweet little eyes that stare at me and make me say, I’ll be with you through all the way, ‘Cause it’s you, Who fills the emptiness in me…”

Lovely song. But here’s what I learned about relationships: An empty heart can only give emptiness. And emptiness is another word for neediness.

Have you heard this song by Barry Manilow? “You know I can’t smile without you, I can’t smile without You, I can’t laugh and I can’t sing, I’m findin’ it hard to do anything…”

I’ll be scared if I have a friend who can’t smile without me.

I’ll be scared if I have kids who can’t smile without me.

I’ll be scared if I have a wife who can’t smile without me.

Or have you heard this one by Mariah Carrey? “I can’t live if living is without you, I can’t live, I can’t live anymore…”

Beautiful song. But if you’re looking for a spouse, I strongly urge you to look for someone who can actually live without you—but who will choose to live with you—not because he needs you, but because he loves you.

But this isn’t that easy. Again, I must warn you: Neediness attracts neediness. A needy heart is naturally attracted to another needy heart. The reason is obvious. If you can’t get love, might as well get its counterfeit: neediness.

That’s why some women are jerk magnets. They’re attracted to bad guys because they need to be needed.

The only solution? Replace neediness with self-love.

Because you can only have healthy relationships if you have healthy self-love.

Five Ways Of Filling Your Heart

With Self-Love

Let me share with you the five powerful ways of how to fill your heart with self-love. I’ve tried them. They work marvellously.

Many relationships are suffering right now because of neediness. When you learn to love yourself, your relationships will be freed from neediness. And your relationships with become so much happier.

But I must warn you: Five is a big number. You won’t remember them all. What I want you to do is choose one thing that you believe God wants you to do today. Just one!

Here they are:

1. Believe in your own worthiness

2. Fulfil your dreams

3. Care for your needs

4. Relate with the right God

5. Relate with the right people

Step 1:

Believe In Your Worthiness

Place your hands over your chest and say this out loud, “I’m a wonderful human being. I’m a beautiful person. I’m blessed. I’m equipped. I’m anointed. I’m talented. I’m loved. I’m prosperous. I’m generous. I’m wealthy in every way.”

Step 2:

Fulfil Your Dreams

This actually saved me.

I wasn’t very good with Step 1, “Believe In Your Worthiness”.

Do yourself a big favor. First, know your dreams. Second, go and reach for your dreams.

Why will this bless your relationships? Because once you honor your dreams, you’ll be able to honor the dreams of others too. You’ll encourage people in your life to grow.

Step 3:

Care For Your Needs

Go ahead. Write your own needs on a piece of paper. And see how you can honor them too.

Again, this simple act will bless your relationships because you can now serve people’s needs with a heart full of love, not neediness.

Step 4:

Relate To The Right Image of God

When you change your image of God, your relationships with others will change by leaps and bounds because you become like the God that you worship. If you worship a judgmental god, you’ll be judgmental too. But if you start worshipping a God of great compassion and love, you’ll (slowly) be like Him too.

Step 5:

Relate To The Right People

Remember: Needy people attract needy people.

So be careful with the people who enter into your life.

If you’re not careful, you may end up with an inappropriate number of what many authors call “Emotional Vampires”. These are people who suck out your love and joy. There are many kinds of Emotional Vampires: The Demanding. The arrogant and the self-righteous. The bitter. The unfaithful. The manipulative. Addicts. Parasites. Complainers. Critics.

Now that you’ve read all five actions, pick one.

Not two, or three, or four, or five.

Just one assignment from God for today.

1. Believe in your own worthiness

2. Fulfil your dreams

3. Care for your needs

4. Relate with the right God

5. Relate with the right people

RELATIONSHIP REBORN PART 5

FORGIVENESS

The Only Thing That Can Heal Your Emotional Wounds?

Have you been hurt before?

Have you ever been rejected by others? Ridiculed? Maligned? Gossiped about?

Have you been cheated? Betrayed? Lied to? Stolen from?

If your answer is yes, then I’m writing to the right person.

That means you have emotional wounds, and my big message for you is that there’s only one thing that can heal your wounds.

your emotional wounds are just like physical wounds. Bitterness is like the ingrown—it keeps the original wound alive by puncturing it again and again. So your emotional wound doesn’t heal.

Pressing The Rewind Button Again

do you know what Let past be past means? stop rewinding the past mistakes your loved ones did. Firgiveness is the key.

I Forgive For Selfish Reasons

When You Forgive,

You Bless Your Future

Let me tell you how to forgive…

Stage One: Get Angry

Forgiveness is not a one-stage process.

It’s a two-stage process.

Here they are…

Stage One: Get angry.

Stage Two: Release the anger.

That’s it.

Don’t be shocked, but anger is the first stage of forgiveness.

You have to admit the hurt.

You have to acknowledge the pain.

Stage Two: Release Anger

In Stage Two, you decide to forgive. Key word: Decide.

It’s not about feeling, but about willing. The feelings of anger can linger (that’s normal) but the decision has already been made in your heart.

Remember, Love is a decision, not just a feeling. If forgiveness is love, then forgiveness is a decision too.

But here’s a very important footnote: Forgiveness isn’t necessarily bringing back the relationship to where it was before. If you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, what should you do? Forgive him! But that doesn’t mean you have to get back with him again. That’s all up to you.

Forgiveness is also not opening up yourself to more hurt. For example, if your alcoholic husband beat you up, you still need to forgive him; But do you back into the house? No way. You run away and never see him until he gets counselling and stops drinking for 6 months.

Forgiveness Heals The “Enemy”

When you forgive someone, you also offer healing to that person. Whether he accepts it or not is not your concern.

And by some magic, you don’t only heal yourself and the other person. You also heal all your loved ones.

Forgiveness Heals Everyone In Your Life

This is the ultimate reason why we forgive: Because even if we sin against God, He still forgives us. We don’t deserve His love, but He loves us anyway.

Heal yourself, my friend.

Forgive anyone who has wronged you.

RELATIONSHIP REBORN PART 4

SERVICE

Is Your Love Genuine Or Fake?

LOVE MEANS DIRTY HANDS NOT BEATING HEARTS..

When you hear the word "Love", what images come to your mind? candle light dinners? Kisses under the moonlight?
Well this wil change you mind.

There are five big difference between LOVE and INFATUATION.

Spot The Difference

Let me now share five clear-as-daylight differences between Infatuation and Real Love:

1. Infatuation doesn’t require a decision. It just happens. You see a girl and boom—your hormones kick in and you want her. You don’t know why. It’s her dress. It’s the way her hair falls on her shoulder. It’s her smile. It’s the way she bites her fingernail. That’s why I said that pirated versions are free. But Real Love doesn’t just happen; Real Love requires a decision. That’s why Scott Peck says Real Love can only start after one has “fallen out of love.”

2. Infatuation, no matter what you do, lasts only for a season. You have these feelings of love swirling within you until something happens that breaks the spell. Maybe she’ll open her mouth. Maybe she’ll reveal her fangs. Maybe she’ll pick her nose. Maybe she’ll spend your money. Maybe she’ll introduce you to her mother. Maybe she gains 30 pounds. It could be anything. Infatuation can last for a few days or for a couple of years. But Real Love can last forever precisely because it’s a decision.

3. Infatuation is directed towards a figment of your imagination. You’re not attracted to a real person. You’re attracted to a projection of that person from your own imagination. Like Infatuation itself, you’re in love with a fake. But Real Love is directed towards a real person. You now know her strengths and weaknesses, and have accepted it all.

4. Infatuation is a spontaneous collapse of your boundaries. You get lost and you merge with the other. You’re enmeshed. You can’t survive without each other. But Real Love requires strengthening of both your boundaries; You actually don’t need each other, but you choose each other because you want to serve.

5. Infatuation is all about feelings. Dubdub. Dubdub. Dubdub. Cold palms, giddy spells, dazed looks, and feet on the clouds. But Real Love is about dirty hands. You don’t have to feelanything to love. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Love is an action, not just a state. Let me repeat my message: I believe love is about dirty hands, not beating hearts. The essence of love isn’t feelings but service. Scott Peck says it so well—the opposite of love isn’t hatred; the opposite of love is laziness.

READ MORE HERE

Your Physiology Affects Your Psychology

Here’s the thing.

I’ve found out that only mature people can love. Only mature people can do the great switcheroo when the pirated copy fails. They just pull out the genuine article.

Why? Only mature people have love within them.

Real Love has very little to do with the other person. A loving person can love because he is a loving person, not because the other person is lovable.

You may be asking me, “But Bo, is love dry? Isn’t there room for feelings?”

Of course, there is.

Here’s a secret mature people know in their hearts even if they don’t know it cognitively: Your physiology affects your psychology. Your feeling follows your action.

If we keep on doing acts of love, we increase our feelings of love. The more we “dirty our hands”, the more we find our “hearts beating” for the other.

To make this practical, let me share seven simple ways of dirtying your hands. They are

(1) Help,

(2) Prayer,

(3) Presence,

(4) Touch,

(5) Words,

(6) Gifts,

and

(7) Boundaries.

1. Help

Love means giving practical help.

If you’re a mother, I’m sure there are days when you wake up feeling blue and you don’t want to enter the kitchen. But fifteen minutes later, where are you? Cooking in the kitchen, because some little people will get hungry. You don’t feel like doing it. But you do it anyway. That’s love.

2. Prayer

Love means praying for your loved ones.

Perhaps your father was a horrible man. And you hate him. But you decide to pray for him.

Sooner or later, God will answer your prayer. God will change him, but He’ll change you first. Your father gets blessed, but you get blessed too. Ultimately, you become a more loving person.

You pray whether you feel like it or not.

That’s love.

3. Presence

Love means spending time together.

Not just being physically together, but also being emotionally together.

That could mean a father playing with his kids. Or a daughter visiting her aging parents. Or siblings going shopping together. Or friends laughing over pizza. Or a couple taking a walk.

There’ll be times when you won’t feel like bonding together.

But you do it anyway. That’s love.

4. Touch

Love means physical affection.

One day, a couple walking to work noticed a man passionately kissing a woman. “Why don’t you do that?” said the wife.

“Honey,” replied her husband, “I don’t even know that woman!”

People aren’t machines. They need to be touched. Holding hands, pats on the back, shoulder rubs, hugs, and kisses nourish and heal people more than you can possibly imagine.

Again, there’ll be days when you don’t want to kiss or hold hands or hug. But you do it anyway. That’s love.

5. Words

Love means verbal or written expressions.

When was the last time you told your husband, “Thank you for working so hard for our family”? When was the last time you told your wife, “Thank you for being a great mother to our kids”? When was the last time you told your mother, “Thanks for serving me all these years”? And when was the last time you actually said, “I love you”?

You might argue with me and say, “Bo, I don’t want to be a hypocrite. When I say it, I must feel it.”

Here’s my question: Are you just your emotions?

Or are you much more than your emotions? Are you also your spirit, your soul, your mind, your imagination, your will?

6. Gifts

Love means giving tokens—or symbols of love.

To you, your gift may mean nothing. But to another person, a small, inexpensive gift from you could mean the world.

7. Boundaries

Love means respecting the boundaries of the other.

Love means giving space to the other and letting the other person grow on her own. Love also means letting the other face her own responsibilities.

I like it when my wife goes out with her girlfriends each week. I like it when she takes up other interests. I like it when she grows and flourishes as an individual. I like it when she tells me, “Bo, I need some alone time. I’ll just go window shopping for awhile.” So I pray over her, “Lord, I claim in faith that she’ll be faithful to those words, that she will indeed go ‘window’ shopping only. Thank you, Lord, for this miracle!”

Love Is Service....

Love is simply done, day in and day out.

Because it’s eternal.

Constant.

Faithful.

It was Mother Teresa who said, “Service is a fruit of love”.

If you love, you will serve.

RELATIONSHIP REBORN PART 3

TIME

Fight The Relationship Drift

Warning: There’s a cruel epidemic afflicting our families, our marriages, and our friendships. It’s called the Relationship Drift.

It’s a very devious disease. It’s like some cancers. You really don’t know you have it until it’s fatal. And then it’s too late.

And then Relationship Drift becomes Relationship Dead.

The only solution is to diagnose it early.

But the symptoms of Relationship Drift are almost invisible to the naked eye.

Because you’re not really fighting each other.

There are no screaming matches. In fact, your home is quiet. Like a convent.

And there are no pots and pans flying in the air.

And there are no bloody court cases.

But little by little, your hearts move apart.

Intimacy is gone.

Joy is missing.

In marriage, sex only happens every time Haley’s comet passes planet earth.

You take each other for granted.

One day, you know the disease had run its full course because you wake up one morning not caring for the other person anymore.

read more here

My notes

What Are Your Biggies?

If you really think about it, you can put everything happening in your life into two categories: Biggies and Smallies.

If you manage your Biggies, you manage your life.

It’s the secret to great success.

What are your Biggies?

People who don’t know their Biggies will be ruled by their Smallies. They’ll be lost boats in the sea, being pushed and pulled in various directions.

Your Biggies consists of the 4 most important parts of your life:

1. Your Family

2. Your Health

3. Your Mission

4. Your Spirit

Everything else are Smallies.

If you want to be successful, focus on your Biggies.

When you make your Weekly Schedule, write down the Biggies first.

Each of these Biggies can be broken down. But today, I’d like to share with you the Family Biggies that you need to do. These are the powerful ways to paddle against Relationship Drift.

Are you ready?

Create A List Of Untouchables

example: My romantic date with my wife is an Untouchable.

I told her that we’d have a romantic date every Tuesday night unless these three things happen:

1) President Obama calls up to consult me on high-level issues such as terrorism, global warming, and nuclear disarmament; or…

2) The Pope calls me to discuss some murky theological question that only I can answer (like “Did Adam have a belly button?”), or…

3) If a comet rams into earth, burning the entire planet’s atmosphere, and human life as we know it ceases to exist.

RELATIONSHIP REBORN PART 2

GRATITUDE

Stop Trying To Fix People

You know what our monstrous mistake is?

We try to fix the people in our life.

Oh, I see it everywhere.

Everywhere I go, I see people complain about the people in their life.

Wives complain about their husbands.

Are You Sick Of Comparasonities?

First of all, you want to fix people because you love them.

But sometimes, our motives aren’t pure. Sometimes, we want to fix our loved ones because of shame. We’re ashamed of what other people will say about our kids, our siblings, our spouses, and our parents.

Another reason of our “fixing other people” tendencies is we’re afflicted with the disease called comparisonities.

Humans like to look to the other side of the fence to see if it’s greener.

Someone told me that marriage is like going to a restaurant. After you ordered your dish, you learn what the other table ordered, and suddenly regret what you ordered.

Believe me, this urge to compare causes so much misery in marriages.

If you always compare your wife’s body with Beyonce or Angel Locsin, she can’t compete. Or if you compare your husband’s salary with Manny Paquiao’s earnings, he can’t compete.

Many times, we compare our spouse to someone who doesn’t exist. For example, we fantasize about Hollywood stars who aren’t real. Because all their blemishes were removed by photoshop and a huge PR company.

Even the pretty office mate who seems so gorgeous on the outside may actually be your worst nightmare the moment you live with her. You really don’t fall in love with her. You fall in love with a projection of how you imagine her to be.

Even parents are guilty of this.

please read more here

My Notes


in this session of relationship reborn, I've learned that we cannot change our loved ones, they have to be willing to change themselves. Change should come from within. So I've learned to appreciate both the bad sides and good sides of my loved ones. the things that annoys me I simply just close my eyes and run away ahahah joke. I try so hard to be more verbal now biut in a good way though I'll explain to that person what annoys me and I can see they understand naman that's a good thing. We learn more to be with eaach other without killing each other verbally hehehe.

Stop Trying To Fix People

To repeat my million-dollar point: If you want to have happy relationships, you’ll have to stop trying to fix people and start appreciating them.

Jesus said, “Love your neighbor”; He didn’t say, “Fix your neighbor.”

Two reasons why you need to stop fixing people.

First, you can’t.

Second, I’ve realized that people are like old houses. If one thing gets fixed, another thing gets broken.

Let me tell you what I mean by appreciate.

Two Levels Of Acceptance

The first level of acceptance is tolerance.

The second level is appreciation.

I know a person, he's one of the most important being in my world, he always and always try to fix me and I with him, he tells me to stop smoking, stop hanging around with those kind of people, stop being so quite, be chismosa be skandalosa, just don't be quite like you're a wind. After some time I got really annoyed and I moved the heck out of the city. (for almost 2 months). I felt as if he didn't appreciate me, my being my existence. So I decided to leave him for awhile see if he'll appreciate me more when I'm gone. I did help, and it helped me as well realize the things that I have been trying to fix. That's why it didn't work out. When I came back we did a looooot of talking and, we just have to ride it out everything that we need for our selves as long as we still are there for each other. And believe me or not, we changed big time. Prayer is the most powerful thing we ever could have in this world. I believe that now.

Are You A Judge Or A Painter?

What I’m sharing with you is so earth-shaking, I should be charging you a million for divulging this secret to you.

Believe me, if you apply this secret into your life, you will change your entire life—radically. You’ll have less stress. You’ll have less fights. You’ll have more peace. You’ll be more joyful. You’ll feel and look younger by ten years.

It was Dr. James Dobson who said that before you get married, you should have both eyes wide open. But after the marriage ceremony, close one eye.

What does he mean? Before you get married, you should be very careful in evaluating your future spouse. Check everything. Values. Background. Preferences. Reactions. Beliefs. Examine everything!

But when you get married, stop evaluating. Stop critiquing.

It’s now time to stop fixing the other person and start appreciating the entire person in his totality.

n the robes of a painter capturing the beauty of a scene. An artist simply accepts what is and nurtures a gratitude for what is there.

When you accept the other person and become grateful for him, a great miracle happens: The person learns to accept himself too and thus bring healing of his Heart Wound. Changes begin to take place spontaneously.

You can never fix anyone.

Because fixing is an inside job. Never forced from the outside.

Yes, you should inspire. You should guide. You should teach. But you cannot force.

At the end of the day, the only thing you can do is to love the person by creating space for the other person to fix himself.

RELATIONSHIP REBORN

1ST SESSION - RENEWAL

"Every storm will end"

Change Your Life

By Changing Your Relationships

I believe that if you change your relationships, you change your life.
Because if you squeeze out the essence of life, you realize that life is all about relationships. Your happiness, your success, your health, and your dreams depend on relationships. Give me a person with very happy relationships and I’ll show you a very happy person.
I’m going to spill the beans here and tell you the central message of the next seven weeks: Relationships need renewal or they die.

In fact, not only the relationship will die, but a part of us will die. Why? Because you have a Heart Wound that can only be healed by love—a love that can only be found in relationships.

So you want to change your life, keep reading.

Are You Malnourished For Love?

READ MORE HERE

MY OWN NOTES:

The Wound In Your Heart

Every human being has a Heart Wound.

We’re all wounded people.

We may look strong on the outside. But deep inside, we have a Heart Wound that must be healed.

Note that some people have a deeper Heart Wound than others.

Perhaps they had an alcoholic father or a very selfish mother.

Perhaps they came from a broken family.

Perhaps they were abused as kids.

perhaps mine would be that my Mother left when I was 2 years old and I grew up with my grandmother, my father also left the same time as my mother. So apparently I haven't experienced how to have a mom and a dad, i never noticed that It would affect me till now, actually it affected me while I was in my grade school up until now. How I long for their attention and so on, realizing your wounds and acceoting them makes it easier for me to forgive them and live on with my life with no bitterness. In this session I've learned that we don't have to run away from our wounds they need to be healed so that we can be a better, a more loving person as we want to be. I recall my failed relationships, it all goes back to my parents I always leave the people I love before they get the chance to leave me like my parents did.

The Crazy Things We Do

Because We Want To Fill Our Heart Wound

Zeny (not her real name) is a twenty-seven year old beautiful and intelligent woman. She’s a brilliant marketing manager in her company. But her superior IQ and brilliant logic flies out of the window when it comes to love.

She jumps from one romantic relationship after another. The moment her boyfriend breaks up with her, she gets hooked into another relationship. Zeny will grab the next guy available, like a woman drowning and gasping for air. Even if that guy was a serial killer.

oh yes this one's good we can all relate to this.. I can definitely have no denial mode here.

Not All Religious Activity Can Nourish The Heart

When you mention the words “spiritual malnourishment”, people instantly think about people who don’t receive God’s Word—because they don’t attend religious activities.

oh I've tried this one as well, participate in whatever church activities there was to attend to. I did this for some time but I never really did learn the lesson or made a point in my life where I understood the meaning of it. So I ran away again. Because I was still unhappy. They told me that being closer to God will take away my misery. Well in fact it is true but that time when I was still ignorant to his love I didn't find it, because I wasn't pouring my heart into it. I was using this as an scape of my reality.

What Your Heart Wound Is Longing For

When we fill up our Heart Wound with sex, with money, with drugs, with romantic relationships, they don’t work. Because there’s only one thing that will heal your Heart Wound.

As corny as this may sound, that thing that we long for is love.

That’s why another term for Heart Wound is “Love Tank”.

Yes, I was longing for love, love from my parents. I came to live with my mom for some time and I don't think she would like what I'm about to write now. Instead of filling up the missing times she has with me, whenever I was in despare or had problem she would take me out shopping or give me money. By that time it was pretty amazing wow a mom who would take me out shopping when I'm sad, after awhile though I still felt empty. It wasn't what I longed for. I longed for her LOVE and affection.

What Kind Of Love Can Heal The Wound?

At the end of the day, the love that can heal your Heart Wound is love that is found in relationships.

Your relationship with God.

Your relationship with yourself.

Your relationship with others.

Friend, your relationships will determine your happiness and success in every area of your life.

So I learned, that I have to forgive first ad love myself first to be truly happy and fullfilled. I'm still working on that today. And so to tell you honestly it is working. I am more fullfilled and happy. I have gained more confidence and my friends and loved ones notice that as well.

Assignment: Pick One Relationship In Your Life

That You Want To Renew and Refresh

If You Change Your Thoughts, You Change Your Life

So many people ask me, “Bo, how can I break free from my bad habits?”

This question deserves an entire book. But if I only have 3 seconds to answer them, I’d tell them, “Change your Inner Movies.”

Why? Because habits start in the mind.

Before they become a habit of action, they’re first habits of thought. I believe that you cannot change habits of action if you don’t change habits of thought.

And what are habits of thought?

In one word, Beliefs.

So if you want to change bad habits, you have to first change the bad beliefs that support your bad habits. It’s impossible to change bad habits if you don’t change the bad beliefs behind them.

But where do your bad beliefs come from?

From bad movies.

Nope, I don’t mean bad movies from Hollywood.

I don’t mean movies shown at the big screen.

I’m talking about “Inner Movies” that show at the small screens of our minds.

You may not know this, but 24 hours a day, we’re watching inner movies. And these inner movies affect our destiny.

read more here

How To Use Your Words

To Create Your Reality

Do you want to know your future?

So many people are awed by Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce, Jean Dixon, and even Madame Auring (yes, her!) because they claim to predict the future.

Friend, I have a big announcement to make: You can predict the future.

You don’t have to look for a prophet, a seer, or a fortune-teller to know your future. You don’t have to consult the horoscope, the crystal ball, your palm, tea leaves, or fortune cookies to know your future.

You can predict your future.

How? All you have to do is listen to your words.

By examining the words that come out of your mouth, you’ll know your future. Guaranteed.

Let me share with you three people…

(To continue reading Bo's inspiring article, click here.)

Create your life through your actions and thoughts...

Don’t use your words to describe your reality. Use your words to create your reality.

live abundantly through your own thoughts... do you ever get to wonder how people can be so happy positive and live a very abundant life? I've been studying Bo Sanchez's words a lot I find him inspiring and funny. Ive read his books and ebooks, about how to be really really happy and turn your thoughts into things. If you wanna live a happy life, you might wanna try reading his blog and his free ebooks. Sounds like I'm advertising this man right hahaha. Well I do this because I've learned so much about him. I rather not want to copy paste his works on my blog, so instead I'll give his website. Be excited here it is bosanchez.ph.... happy reading and be blessed.

p.s.
the articles by Bo here on my blog is for my own benefit meaning so I wont forget and for my own notes. Articles that I can relate to.

Be blessed pipz

FAITH AND ACTION

“I declare I’ll have a super-blessed year in 2010! I claim a year of amazing abundance for my life. This year, I shall receive more love and give more love. I shall experience more joy, greater generosity, dreams fulfilled, financial increase, open doors, new opportunities, divine connections, supernatural appointments, great miracles, answered prayers, and exponential growth—Amen!”

BO SANCHEZ ARTICLE READ MORE HERE

The Only Thing That Can Heal Your Emotional Wounds?

Have you been hurt before?

Have you ever been rejected by others? Ridiculed? Maligned? Gossiped about?

Have you been cheated? Betrayed? Lied to? Stolen from?

If your answer is yes, then I’m writing to the right person.

That means you have emotional wounds, and my big message for you is that there’s only one thing that can heal your wounds.

Let me start by talking about something of great cosmological and eternal significance: My bloody ingrown toenail.

Sometimes called hangnail.

Let me translate that in Pilipino: hangnail is kukong nagbigti.

Anyway, would you believe my ingrown toenail lasted for two years? Because the nail kept re-growing, puncturing my wound again and again. The wound got infected and my entire toe was filled with foul-smelling yellow pus. (I apologize for grossing you out. I’m actually doing it on purpose and having fun.)

This is my claim to sainthood. If St. Francis of Assisi had his stigmata, I had my two-year old bloody ingrown toenail.

After two years, my mother scared me to death and said if the wound doesn’t get well, they might have to cut off my toe.

I loved my toe.

So I visited a doctor. And he said he had to pull out half of my toenail. I fainted.

I still remember that fateful day. The anesthesia didn’t work because of the pus. So I felt like San Lorenzo Ruiz who was tortured in the same way. (Please mention this tiny detail in my sainthood application.)

Here’s how the Doc did it.

Step 1: He pushed his scissors in between my nail and my toe, all the way to the very end. The pain was so horrific, I was ready to recant anything he told me to recant. Even my love for peanut butter.

Step 2: He cut my entire toenail into two. “Snap!”

Step 3: He got his metal pliers and yanked out half of my toenail. Blood and pus spurt like a little fountain.

But it worked.

My wound was now free to heal itself. What lasted for two years took only a few days to heal.

Why am I telling you this gory story?

To tell you that your emotional wounds are just like physical wounds. Bitterness is like the ingrown—it keeps the original wound alive by puncturing it again and again. So your emotional wound doesn’t heal.

And your soul gets infected.

If you’re not careful, the emotional wound can grow until it amputates parts of you, slowly killing you.

I’ve met people like these.

I pity them so much. They’re like the living dead. They are alive but they’re dead.

Like Minette, for instance.

Pressing The Rewind Button Again

Minette’s husband left her three years ago.

But when you talk to her, it was like it happened yesterday.

Adultery is one of the deepest wounds a human heart can have. After entrusting your entire life to one person, that one person betrays that trust.

But I believe even the emotional wound of adultery can be healed. I’ve met many wives whose husbands became unfaithful—and they were able to move on by the power of forgiveness.

But Minette couldn’t forgive.

Because everyday, she pressed the “Rewind” button of the most hurtful scenes.

Today, Minette has cancer. It doesn’t take a psychologist to connect the dots. Her bitterness was eating up her body as well.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

I should know.

I Forgive For Selfish Reasons

I was sexually molested twice, not by strangers on the street, but by an older cousin and by my own youth group leader. William Blake said, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” That’s so true.

Those traumatic events warped my thinking, opened my life to addictions, and gave me self-contempt that would affect my entire life. I hated myself. I was ashamed of myself. Oh yes, my wounds were deep.

Yet in my heart, I’ve forgiven them. Totally.

I’ve released the bitterness in my soul.

Why?

Because of a very selfish reason.

Remember: Forgiveness is first of all a gift you give yourself.

I forgave because I wanted peace.

I wanted to move on with my life.

I wanted to get rid of the emotional baggage.

I wanted to be free.

And today, I am!

Let me share with you one more personal experience…

When You Forgive,

You Bless Your Future

Many years ago, I started a tiny business with a friend. I was the investor and he was the guy who ran the show.

One day, I saw him with a new cell phone. A really cool, top-of-the-line thing that had everything you could think of—camera, video-cam, GPRS, missile guidance system, and an umbrella.

“Wow, that’s a great cell phone,” I said.

“This is a gift. Someone gave it to me,” he said.

The next time we meet, he brought a new laptop.

“That’s really nice,” I said.

“Oh, this is also a gift…,” he said.

A few months later, the business collapsed.

After looking at the records, I realized I was the one who gave them to him!

He was stealing from the business.

A year later, he came to me and asked for forgiveness. I forgave him even before he asked for forgiveness.

Here’s the reason why I forgave him.

Again, I did it for selfish reasons. I didn’t want to waste any of my time and energy trying to get the money back. Instead, I wanted to use all my time and energy to earn ten times what I lost. I used my frustration to create more wealth. I wanted to focus on the future, not the past. I wanted to focus on my dreams, not my wounds.

Imagine if you lost one peso. And you have two options: Spend one hour looking for that one peso or spend that same hour earning P100 somewhere else?

A bitter person will choose the first option. Crazy but true.

Today, let me report to you: I’ve earned many, many times what I lost from that tiny business. This is the power of forgiveness. It heals your wound and blesses your future. That’s why I believe forgiveness is one of God’s greatest inventions!

Let me tell you how to forgive…

Stage One: Get Angry

Forgiveness is not a one-stage process.

It’s a two-stage process.

Here they are…

Stage One: Get angry.

Stage Two: Release the anger.

That’s it.

Don’t be shocked, but anger is the first stage of forgiveness.

You have to admit the hurt.

You have to acknowledge the pain.

You have to say, “What he did to me was wrong.”

Some people think forgiveness is pretending nothing bad happened. That’s not true. If you’re angry, feel the anger.

But you must express your anger in a non-hurtful way, without screaming or attacking. Bring your anger before God. Share your pain to a few trusted friends. Ask for prayer. Go ahead, cry. Offer your tears to God.

Anger heals because it’s about loving yourself—and love always heals. Anger means you’re standing up for you. As an abuse victim, I had to do this. Anger is needed to rebuild my broken personal boundaries.

How long should you stay in Stage One?

Not too long.

Because anger has an expiry date.

How Long Have You Been Angry?

Here’s the truth: Bitterness and anger is one and the same thing. But Bitterness is anger past its expiry date.

Let me illustrate.

I love spaghetti.

Served hot, it’s wonderful.

But left on the kitchen counter for a whole day, it may still be good but be careful.

After two days, you may get an upset stomach.

After one week, there’ll be more germs than spaghetti. At that point, the plate of spaghetti has become poison

Just like anger.

If anger stays too long in your heart, your anger no longer heals but kills. When anger turns into bitterness, it’s poison.

The Bible says, “the sun must not go down in your anger.”

I believe it. Except perhaps for severe wounds (like abuse, adultery, betrayal, etc.), I feel Stage One should not last for more than a day. I’m talking about the regular hurts we encounter everyday. Before nightfall, move onto Stage two.

But deeper wounds may need weeks or even months of anger and grief. For deeper wounds, I believe there’s no clear divide between Stage One and Two. There’ll be an overlap. But your movement must be towards Stage Two.

Because that’s where the real magic happens.

Stage Two: Release Anger

In Stage Two, you decide to forgive. Key word: Decide.

It’s not about feeling, but about willing. The feelings of anger can linger (that’s normal) but the decision has already been made in your heart.

Remember, Love is a decision, not just a feeling. If forgiveness is love, then forgiveness is a decision too.

But here’s a very important footnote: Forgiveness isn’t necessarily bringing back the relationship to where it was before. If you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, what should you do? Forgive him! But that doesn’t mean you have to get back with him again. That’s all up to you.

Let’s say you caught your boyfriend cheating on you twice. What should you do? Again, you have to forgive him. Now, do you get back into his arms? If you’re a psychotic with sadomasochistic tendencies, go ahead. Your desires will be granted.

Forgiveness is also not opening up yourself to more hurt. For example, if your alcoholic husband beat you up, you still need to forgive him; But do you back into the house? No way. You run away and never see him until he gets counselling and stops drinking for 6 months.

Forgiveness Heals The “Enemy”

The cousin who molested me has long been dead. So forgiving him in my heart was enough.

The youth group leader who sexually abused me is still alive. After 30 years, I have yet to face him. You see, I reported his name to a Bishop, asking that he be barred from doing any religious work until he gets help for his perversion. I had to protect other young boys who may be working with him. He has yet to come to me to ask for forgiveness. But even if he does not, I’ve forgiven him—and sent that “spiritually” to him.

The guy who stole money? As I said, he asked for forgiveness, and I was able to say to him, “I forgive you.”

When you forgive someone, you also offer healing to that person. Whether he accepts it or not is not your concern.

And by some magic, you don’t only heal yourself and the other person. You also heal all your loved ones.

Forgiveness Heals Everyone In Your Life

Imagine a room of ten people.

And one person there stepped on poop. (Sorry, my article is really gross today—about ingrowns and poop. But bitterness is gross.) Slowly, everyone in the room smells the awful stench. Only one person has the poop, but everyone is affected by it.

Bitterness is like that.

It wounds everyone. Your family. Your friends.

Bitterness is an evil spirit and people feel it. They smell the poison. They sense it. They want to run away.

Sometimes, when I enter a home filled with conflicts, I feel the collective wound of the family. You cannot breathe.

But when a person forgives, he’s like opening a window in a smelly room because one person stepped on poop. Fresh air comes in. If bitterness wounds everyone, forgiveness heals everyone too.

My last story is a story that I created, adapted from other sources. Be blessed as you read it.

The Son Who Hated His Father

“Hi John,” the priest greeted his favorite nephew.

“Fr. Chris,” the young man said, his voice betraying his troubled soul.

The cleric felt so much pity for the teen. “I heard you’re having problems with your father.”

A frown formed on John’s face. “You know him. He’s your brother. You know he’s impossible to deal with. He’s so selfish. He’s so cruel…” He fought back his tears.

“Tell you what, son,” the priest tried to sound encouraging, “let’s pray for him.” He stood up and pinned the photo of the boy’s father on the wall.

“What’s that?” John asked. The sight of his father’s face stung him. He clenched his fists.

The priest said, “It’s just a way to help us pray for him. It’ll be our visual connection to your father.”

“But I don’t want to pray for him!” the young man shouted.

At that moment, the phone rang. “Excuse me, son,” Fr. Chris said, “let me answer this call and I’ll get back to you right away.” He left the room.

John found himself alone, staring at the photo of a man he despised with his entire being. Seething with rage, he saw a knife on the kitchen counter. On impulse, he grabbed it and ran back to the photo of his father. “I hate you!” he screamed, and stabbed the photo many, many times.

That was when Fr. Chris ran back. “Oh my God…,” The priest said, as he could only look in horror.

His energy spent, John thrust the knife into the photo one last time.

He took one step backward, panting.

“John, I had other photos there,” Fr. Chris said.

“What?” The young man looked at the priest.

Fr. Chris walked to the wall and removed the damaged photo.

John couldn’t believe his eyes.

Because underneath it was John’s photo. Also torn.

The priest explained. “After praying for your father, I wanted to pray for you, John.”

The young man looked at his damaged photo. His face was torn, punctured by the same stabbing he himself made.

Tears rolled down his cheeks.

But even as his vision blurred, John noticed that there was something else behind his torn photo.

He pulled it off the wall.

Underneath his photo was the picture of Jesus, His face, also torn, also wounded.

And John collapsed on his knees, and wept for a long time.

— 0 —

This is the ultimate reason why we forgive: Because even if we sin against God, He still forgives us. We don’t deserve His love, but He loves us anyway.

Heal yourself, my friend.

Forgive anyone who has wronged you.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez