Stop Trying To Fix People
You know what our monstrous mistake is?
We try to fix the people in our life.
Oh, I see it everywhere.
Everywhere I go, I see people complain about the people in their life.
Wives complain about their husbands.
Are You Sick Of Comparasonities?
First of all, you want to fix people because you love them.
But sometimes, our motives aren’t pure. Sometimes, we want to fix our loved ones because of shame. We’re ashamed of what other people will say about our kids, our siblings, our spouses, and our parents.
Another reason of our “fixing other people” tendencies is we’re afflicted with the disease called comparisonities.
Humans like to look to the other side of the fence to see if it’s greener.
Someone told me that marriage is like going to a restaurant. After you ordered your dish, you learn what the other table ordered, and suddenly regret what you ordered.
Believe me, this urge to compare causes so much misery in marriages.
If you always compare your wife’s body with Beyonce or Angel Locsin, she can’t compete. Or if you compare your husband’s salary with Manny Paquiao’s earnings, he can’t compete.
Many times, we compare our spouse to someone who doesn’t exist. For example, we fantasize about Hollywood stars who aren’t real. Because all their blemishes were removed by photoshop and a huge PR company.
Even the pretty office mate who seems so gorgeous on the outside may actually be your worst nightmare the moment you live with her. You really don’t fall in love with her. You fall in love with a projection of how you imagine her to be.
Even parents are guilty of this.
My Notes
in this session of relationship reborn, I've learned that we cannot change our loved ones, they have to be willing to change themselves. Change should come from within. So I've learned to appreciate both the bad sides and good sides of my loved ones. the things that annoys me I simply just close my eyes and run away ahahah joke. I try so hard to be more verbal now biut in a good way though I'll explain to that person what annoys me and I can see they understand naman that's a good thing. We learn more to be with eaach other without killing each other verbally hehehe.
Stop Trying To Fix People
To repeat my million-dollar point: If you want to have happy relationships, you’ll have to stop trying to fix people and start appreciating them.
Jesus said, “Love your neighbor”; He didn’t say, “Fix your neighbor.”
Two reasons why you need to stop fixing people.
First, you can’t.
Second, I’ve realized that people are like old houses. If one thing gets fixed, another thing gets broken.
Let me tell you what I mean by appreciate.
Two Levels Of Acceptance
The first level of acceptance is tolerance.
The second level is appreciation.
I know a person, he's one of the most important being in my world, he always and always try to fix me and I with him, he tells me to stop smoking, stop hanging around with those kind of people, stop being so quite, be chismosa be skandalosa, just don't be quite like you're a wind. After some time I got really annoyed and I moved the heck out of the city. (for almost 2 months). I felt as if he didn't appreciate me, my being my existence. So I decided to leave him for awhile see if he'll appreciate me more when I'm gone. I did help, and it helped me as well realize the things that I have been trying to fix. That's why it didn't work out. When I came back we did a looooot of talking and, we just have to ride it out everything that we need for our selves as long as we still are there for each other. And believe me or not, we changed big time. Prayer is the most powerful thing we ever could have in this world. I believe that now.
Are You A Judge Or A Painter?
What I’m sharing with you is so earth-shaking, I should be charging you a million for divulging this secret to you.
Believe me, if you apply this secret into your life, you will change your entire life—radically. You’ll have less stress. You’ll have less fights. You’ll have more peace. You’ll be more joyful. You’ll feel and look younger by ten years.
It was Dr. James Dobson who said that before you get married, you should have both eyes wide open. But after the marriage ceremony, close one eye.
What does he mean? Before you get married, you should be very careful in evaluating your future spouse. Check everything. Values. Background. Preferences. Reactions. Beliefs. Examine everything!
But when you get married, stop evaluating. Stop critiquing.
It’s now time to stop fixing the other person and start appreciating the entire person in his totality.
n the robes of a painter capturing the beauty of a scene. An artist simply accepts what is and nurtures a gratitude for what is there.
When you accept the other person and become grateful for him, a great miracle happens: The person learns to accept himself too and thus bring healing of his Heart Wound. Changes begin to take place spontaneously.
You can never fix anyone.
Because fixing is an inside job. Never forced from the outside.
Yes, you should inspire. You should guide. You should teach. But you cannot force.
At the end of the day, the only thing you can do is to love the person by creating space for the other person to fix himself.
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